It's getting better all the time...
One of the expressions from a friend I met in Hua Hin, Thailand. That's how this journey have been: Ups and downs, but mostly up, up, up. It's like science, observing what's happening and thinking about it in an objective way. Emotionally I mostly color things in black or white, truth is something between those extremes. But sometimes you just write about what you feel because it makes you feel better, true or false. I'm writing about my emotions. But I'm getting more rational overall, the only way to keep the spirit alive.
I've discovered that the greatest enemy is within - impulses to extend my thinking into the leap of faith. Like believing in mindless revolutions, like hitting on a girl just because of my sexual drive. You have to put it into perspective: Not killing your emotions, because without emotion no life. But guided by intellect, put restrain on the emotional impulse, and then noticing that emotion increases, just because you don't make a fool of yourself.
I still believe in revolution though: But revolution is a delicate thing. Creating a system with a scientific approach: Study, observe, evaluate, think. Make experiments and evaluate. If success go further, if failure think again. Go one step at a time, slowly, patient and don't forget about yourself! A dead intellectual is a good case for a lost revolution.
You learn as time passes. I'm working on books and the content is just getting better with time. I was all about emotion before. Emotional value, landscapes, storytelling as a means of entertainment. But that was just a precursor for things to come. I learned from my failures and success and incorporated those concepts in the writing that came later. Which was more about ideas. I didn't like it at first but was overwhelmed later, when I discovered that my ideas could be put to use for the general public as possibilities, stimulating free thought.
My coming book is about a revolution in the future, modified from the treatment I presented a couple of days ago. You write, rewrite and formulate a clearer picture of what you searched for in the beginning.
Hopefully arriving at more depth.
I'm starting to help my friends. At one point I was silent. Didn't know what to say. And it was a wise decision. But as my intellect expanded I started to analyze the meetings I had and started to see that the problems I saw actually had a solution. I just couldn't see it before because I believed in the wrong things. I always have been afraid of power. To influence anything. Because I thought I knew nothing. But that's nihilism and nihilism is a very destructive thing. So I had to give it up in the end.
What I started to do was not simple. I started to be more honest to myself. What did I do that didn't work? What did I do that actually worked? What didn't work was talking without head, just assuming I had the answers. I tried on many occasions but didn't get any attention. But when I really started to analyze life, myself and my past relations, not according to mindless assumptions but informed by the reality of the thing I had a new understanding. And with this new understanding I got the attention I wanted. People I talked to gave the impression they almost knew about the "answers" before but just hadn't thought about them.
No greater satisfaction than helping a friend.
But things comes and goes. You just have to do what you think is right during the circumstances. Sometimes you think you know nothing and it's nothing you can do. I think it's all about the balance: Go with what you found out by your own research, think about it and discard the rest.
Believing in nothing but your theoretical framework.