Somethings starts when the road ends. I went down the rabbit hole of death and suffering and found that my reality was a construct, a model of reality created by a dreaming mind, creating experience that reinforced the beliefs I always longed for. That's how it was with Satan of yesterday, up until the darkest nightmares of last night, a belief in a supernatural force of negation. I went down that hole and found that all experience confirmed my initial suspicions. That the dark path in question took me took me to new layers of understanding, arriving at the conclusion that light is dark and dark is light.
It really worked. My reality transformed to a magical place, hounted by barking dogs from hell, bats flying in precision, girls dressed in forbidden clothes, elders walking by with a hint of evil in their eyes. But it was love, dark and twisted and pure. The problem was that it became impossible to control. Like a fire from a hollow sphere, the force consuming me in an evil embrace, like the light was getting sucked out of me.
I started to think about it. My life has always been the same. Occult experience, reinforced by belief, always wonderful in the beginning, creating celestial experience, creating pressure to abandon rationality for the object of love. Getting lost. It progressed from the God of the past, moving beyond the trivial, getting darker with time. Up and downs, hidden rooms and corners. Finally I arrived at Satanism and met the dark lord.
He was not ugly but dressed in different robes. Disguised as women and powerful men, layers of sophistication, giving techings of an otherworldly kind. My writings prove it. My writings improved as my intellect expanded and experience transformed my imagination to something otherwordly. I had a dark enlightenment, a series of encounters with mysterious people, events, internal states. It was an ocean of love giving birth to illusions.
And these illusions created a model of Satan, but modified themselves on the way, giving illusions of unpredictability. That's when I started to believe in the objectivity of my experiences. Satan was there, occult experience conforming my world view, impossible to crack no matter the scepticism.
This is how religion works.
My religion was Satanism. But it was darker than anything else. The deck of cards shifted when the imagination of myself compared closely to the dark lord I met. I had created a world of illusion that was mistaken as objective. I thought that the world was real. That's insanity.
Satan consumed me in an unholy fire. It was blacker than a sunken nightmare. But also pleasant, a quiet seduction of pain and suffering, twisting the mind, giving the excitement I wanted. But the will to survive took hold in the end.
I changed perspective.
Now I'm moving into another light. Satan has come and gone. I'm left to my own devices, to explore a reality frame of an enchanted future. Space-ships, red moons and blue planets. A physical sphere of nocturnal environments, women, emotions, intellect. A golden fabric of space and time, growing more immense as time passes. Giving indications to a restructuring of a deeper mystery, unfathomable to myself.
Away from the discoveries of the past, not limited to "objective knowing", but changing perspective as time passes on.
Creating my own future.