I have been out on the road for two and a half weeks since I left Kvicksund, Sweden for endless adventures in cities, forests and the countryside. I left with the decision to never have an ordinary job again. The job I had killed me, not because of the actual work, it was the people. People not connected to themselves but to society as a whole. I was different. I vibrated on a different frequency, having a heartfelt connection to love, heart and nature. Also to the intellect, knowing things others simply don't. People just treated me badly. The same thing repeats itself in any workplace I know of.
I didn't leave on any simple trip. I left Kvicksund behind to never return to mundane life. Just roaming the forests, the cities, even the mountains to live practically for free. I knew it would be difficult but it was completely different from my intitial suspicions. I discovered that it was possible to live on oatmeal, pea soup and other kind of food on the way. Water was easy to find everywhere. I even lived pretty good on berries of different kinds, some fishing gave a momentarily good diet. I hitchhiked. I put up a tent and slept in it. In other places, like cities, I slept under the stars. Going away from the crowded areas.
To enjoy total freedom. Freedom from ordinary work, freedom from conformity, also freedom of the mind which is the hardest part. To liberate myself from the illusions of the modern world and to think the opposite. The freedom of mind is a kind of intelligence. To confront the possible dangers on the way, to solve problems which arises and constantly think in new directions. The obstacle to overcome is the self. The greatest enemy is within. Because new experience is pulling all kinds of tricks on the psyche. To try new things is to die from the past, from your wall of illusions which is yourself. Your mind prison. Don't misunderstand me. Travel can be dangerous but without mastery of yourself you will return to society the next day. I knew all about this beforehand. I had made my trips, I had seen the dullness of the modern world. And so I went.
It started in forests around Eskilstuna, Sweden where I slept in a tent, did some fishing and ate a lot of mushrooms. An enormous feeling of ease and happiness came about almost at once. Years of conformity had a price. Society had made me tired of life, people and myself. I hated everything many days. This was completely different. It was a feeling of letting go. Letting go and embracing the world of total freedom. It was a deepfelt satisfaction of a kind I never have felt before. Something to die for. I thought I was in heaven. But then rains broke out, a lot of insects were tormenting me in the forest. And as things happened I just let it all go. It was something to love. It was sunny the next day.
As time went by I realized I had a lot of freetime. How to fill a void with something real, something not depending on society as a whole? I didn't have a personal computer, no friends, no job to steal time. So I started with something I had thought about before but never done for real. I made an occult ritual. This ritual was simple. To find an opening in the forest, put some sticks in the ground and walk around it several times, like a drone. It's my sense of fun. And to put it mild: A ritual to transform the self. A ritual is a magical occurence, doing something with the intention of a final result but changing your emotional core. More powerful than pure thought. I got a flash of insight. Insight into the importance of an empty mind. One of the greatest enemies on these trips is the progress of thought, thinking, analyzing everything you see and feel, almost getting mad in the process. The solution is meditation. I use a kind of concentration to fill the mind with the counting of numbers. Silencing the mind from distractions. Arriving at peace.
The story continues.
I came to Norrkoping, Sweden, a middle-sized city with influence of the industrial revolution. People leaving their old jobs in the past to work in factories, the descent into modern age. Something else arose on the first day. A feeling of being back in the past, something feeling like my previous journey to the spanish city Barcelona. And I started to see it all had to do with death. Death of old habits. Death is my favourite subject because the death I have found is the key to my happiness. Death is love. Love pure and undivided. Death of soul to arrive at a greater love. This is the love of darkness. To walk the forest and lose track of the surroundings. To confront a stranger pulling on your nerves. Or complete suicide. A suicidal act to kill the shallowness of the surface mind, bringing you closer to truth.
What I have discovered is that I was a mind-drone before. I had great findings in south-east asia. Pulling me deep down into darkness, feeling completely self-realized. And self-realized I was! But as I returned the old came back again. Now I have the idea to never return to ordinary work again, making the small amount of money I need on writing projects. Death and writing are closely related. Without writing travel would mean nothing. Without travel my writing would become stale. And death fits the two together. What this means is that the call of death comes from the heart. You surrender yourself to the will of the heart, stop to think about scares, true and false, good and bad and just put yourself in the dark to live the dream. In real life or in writing itself. The power of this dark influence I truly discovered on this trip. It might have saved my life.
Now I'm sitting in the main library in Cobenhagen, Denmark to write this article. To put it short I'm having the time of my life. This means to embrace the new, learn from all experience and put it into perspective in my coming books. More will be revealed. South east asia was unfathomable in many ways but this is much, much deeper and heartfelt. It's impossible to describe it. It was the death to the modern world.