I've long searched for a form of writing that isn't easily expressed: To capture the feelings I've long felt but didn't manage to comprehend. This is always deep emotions: A kind of daydreaming, suspecting something without understanding why. These feelings almost makes me crazy, so elusive, so unreal and yet so real.
I've long tried to identify these emotions, allowing them to be expressed through a narrative that largely captured them: Creating characters, worlds and events that by their nature were intended to describe the feelings.
But I haven't succeeded.
One of my problems has been that I haven't understood my search: The feelings I've tried to capture have never been the actual feelings. "The Feelings" have rather been an appeal to a mystery I've never understood.
I've come to understand that I really wanted to learn something.
This "Something" has never been about something easy: Something that already have been told and explored. Writing for me has rather focused on development: To enter forbidden territory, broaden horizons and explore the unknown.
I've realized that I'm looking for substance.
I've taken inspiration from the films of James Cameron, Ridley Scott and many others. My dreams have somewhat emerged from these energies.
But what I create is not the same.
I've taken these films and turned everything upside down: In "Alien" I never saw the fear, in "Avatar" I didn't see the world, and in "Titanic" I didn't want the ship to sink.
The truth is that I sought the beauty of "Alien", in "Avatar" I admired the technological achievements and I loved the music in "Titanic": Not "My Heart Will Go On" but the amazing soundtrack by James Horner.
It is these dreams I build on: I take "Alien" and turn everything upside down: In my stories, he represents a universal principle of evolution. "Avatar" comes into the narrative, but now it's about progress, to refine the craftsmanship of writing. The opening melody of "Titanic" now represents the transcendent emotions: To be taken away on a metaphysical journey into foreign country.
I've realized that I need to break up the form: To convey my visions, illusions without limit, I have to get away from the conventional and tell stories with substance in the center: Where the form becomes a natural extension of the whole.
I'm looking for excitement.
To write with the goal of finding the illusion that gave rise to the search: But working so much with the material that I understand the illusion, and then invent a form that makes it possible to describe it.
It will be a tremendous feeling, because the illusion described means nothing without emotional investment.
I want the narrative to be so seductive that it inspires a sense of reality, for without this sense of reality the illusion would fail.
You may think: "This may not be true, but what if it was?"
I've been thinking about characters, settings, and events. But I've started in the wrong direction.
The problem is that I've selected the wrong dreams: I've explored feelings that have entered, but never to realize they were insufficient.
Nowadays I go deeper into myself: Seeking refuge from the story, not to meditate, but instead to leave it: I practice what is not art, to win art, and thus find my vision.
My vision is to unite with life on a deeper level: Going deeper into the mystery that makes me live and forget: To challenge myself in the process of awakening.
And to do this by writing imaginary nonsense, to see the paradoxes and heal.
Pleasure seems to be the way to happiness.Download the article here: http://www.andreasingo.se/articles/TheWriting.pdf