I have come to some conclusions considering my path to enlightenment and that is that I initially was a straight left hand path practitioner of the occult and magic and later explored the right hand path of unity and service. Just to find a dynamic representing a transfiguration of the will.
The left hand path is more about seclusion, the ego and carnal desires compared to the right hand path which is more about unity, public service and unselfish action. I went boldly into the left hand path in one point of time but later experienced a transfiguration of the will.
Leading to more impersonal goals.
Nowadays I oscillate between the different paths that just are expressions of two different aspects of the self. It is about the reality of the lower self and higher self. Both are required for true self-realization.
The mistake I made before was that I neglected the lower self to attune to the higher self. Which resulted in a loss of personal identity. Later I turned it around to indulge in personal desires only to return to the higher self once again. But now with a fine balance grounded in enlightened self-interest.
One can say that my new mode of consciousness is a dynamic between the lower self and the higher self. The higher self is not about being religious in any traditional sense and the lower self is not about true evil. Although it can look that way on the surface.
My main interests at this point of time are to use meditation exercise, energy-work and magic to fulfil my personal goals. Which nicely fits together with my vision as a traveller, party-animal, philosopher, musician and writer.
Combining self-interest with public utility.
I have not returned to being religious in any ordinary sense of the word. The right hand path of occultism is about the truth of the occult universe. The left hand path and the right hand path merge together to build a unity within consciousness. I believe in a natural transfiguration of the will. That is that will is a dynamic force, it is always changing. It is moving in a spiralling cycle towards enlightenment. As one looses interest in carnal desires after some point and want to find the way to greater power.
Meaning unity within the Universal Mind, knowledge and power. This is not "evil" in any traditional sense of the word and must be thought of as "good".
Coming from the right frame of reference.
The two aspects of consciousness are described in my novels “Alien Forever” and “Ascension”. Where “Alien Forever” explores the left hand path and “Ascension” the opposite.
The merging between the two novels represents my new mode of consciousness.